I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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