She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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