Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
