he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
