i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
