Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
