my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
