you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
