You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
vagina is talking i cant
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
