in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
