2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
