Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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