Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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