Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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