so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
