I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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