I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ugly people sure do ruin things
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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