At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
