I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
