I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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