I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
