matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
