I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
