I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
