Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
