i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
