He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
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We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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