I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
