Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
