if i died would you start the facebook group?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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