apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize