forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
