I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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