dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
