I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
