Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
