She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
