First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
