you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
