Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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