doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
