Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
