Duck Duck Cougar?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
