if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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