what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
