Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
