Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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