So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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