When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
