it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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