And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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