they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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