Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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