So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
