Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
