The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
