I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
