hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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