apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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