She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
