He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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