i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
