Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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