Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
