Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
