My friends, they love my intelligence
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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