Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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