i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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