well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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