Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just cut my nipple shaving
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
